


Stay

by IvanW



Series: The Professor-Cadet [19]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Beginnings, Endings, Explicit Sexual Content, Flirting, Gay Sex, Light Dom/sub, Love, M/M, Romance, Sex Toys, Spanking, Starfleet Academy, otp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-06-16
Packaged: 2019-05-23 08:03:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14930375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvanW/pseuds/IvanW
Summary: The tumultuous relationship of James T. Kirk and SpockI used the song, Stay by Hurts, for inspiration. There's a really good video featuring both versions of Spirk if you want to check it out,Video





	1. The Message

Jim had read the message ten times. The content never changed. His vision blurred with the tears stinging his eyes. He closed his eyes as tears squeezed out. The lump in his throat nearly choked him. He tossed the PADD away.

Okay so it was what it was. What the hell was he going to do about it anyway? Kill himself? Get stinking drunk? Go get himself laid? All of the above?

Well, so what. He didn’t need anyone. _No one_.

His communicator beeped. He picked it up and looked. “Bones?”

“You have class in ten minutes. You told me to remind you.” Pause. “Jim, are you okay?”

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Okay. Class. Thanks. Thanks, Bones.”

“Jim—”

“Gotta run.” He turned off his communicator. Stared at his PADD which lay on the floor by the kitchen.

_I do not believe this is working._

“Fuck you anyway.”

He grabbed his bag and left the dorm, leaving the PADD behind.

Jim tried to pay attention in his linguistics class, he did. But he found himself staring at the back of the head of Uhura.

A few days ago he’d seen them together. At a teashop. Looking intimate, cozy. He hadn’t even known they were meeting that day. At the time, Jim had thought he was overreacting to it. The spark of jealousy he’d felt was nothing. After all, Spock could meet with whomever he wanted. And Jim knew they were friends. Of course, he did. But normally, since they’d been seeing each other, Spock told him everything, all his plans. But not this one.

And now…the message he’d gotten this morning.

_I do not believe this is working._

Jim left the class when it was done, wondering if he should go to his next class or not.

“Kirk, are you okay?”

He froze and turned to face Uhura, who was frowning at him, holding her PADD close to her body.

Jim kept his face blank. “Yeah. Sure. I’m fine.”

“Are you—”

“Have to go.”

“Kirk—”

She was still talking when he walked away, and yeah, maybe it was rude, but he just couldn’t do this right now.

Today, well, this afternoon, after classes, was to be the day he was going to move out of his dorm and in with Spock in his apartment off campus. Jim had been so fucking excited.

And happy. He’d been happy.

He should have known better.

Clearly that was not going to happen now. And as he reached the door of his next class, he just kept walking. And walking. Off the campus and all the way to the docks.

All the bad thoughts entered his head before he could stop them. If he would have even tried to stop them.

_Please stay._

_Are you crazy? I’m not sticking around here. Not with him._

_Take me with you._

_Get real, Jimmy. You’re a burden._

_What you want doesn’t matter. You are no one._

_Think you’re so smart? Well, you’re stupid. So stupid even your mother has had enough. You’re going away for a long time, Jim. You’re leaving Earth._

_I was hoping you died with the rest of those losers on the planet. Damn it, we can never catch a break._

_Repeat offender._

_Loser. Why are you such a loser?_

_Burden._

_You are no one._

_Stupid._

_Repeat offender._

_Loser._

Jim scrubbed his hand over his face.

_I do not believe this is working._

His communicator beeped. Jim blew out a breath and pulled it out.

“Hey Bones.”

“Jim, where the hell are you? I’m here at the dorm. Thought we were moving you out today to Spock’s. Sulu and his boyfriend are here too.”

He clenched his eyes closed. “Yeah. That’s off.”

A long pause. “What?”

Jim walked to the edge of the plank that led to a group of sailboats. “I’m not moving in with Spock, Bones.”

“What? Why? I don’t get it.”

He crouched down and stuck his hand in the cold water. “I do.”

“But I thought—”

“Spock…Spock broke up with me.”

Another long pause and then Bones was swearing. “When? Today? I didn’t think you’d seen him. Didn’t he have some meetings last night? Jim—”

“I don’t know, in the middle of the night.”

“Middle of the night? You spent the night at the dorm. When did Spock come over?”

“He didn’t. He-he sent me a message. On my PADD.”

“Jim, that doesn’t sound like Spock. He broke up with you over a message?”

“Look, he said we weren’t working, Bones. How much clearer is that?”

“Jim. Where are you?”

He shook his head even though Bones couldn’t see.

“Where are you? I’ll come and get you.”

“I don’t need that. I’m fine, Bones.”

“Jim—”

Jim closed his communicator and turned it off, returning it to his pocket.

He needed a drink. Several.

He wanted to be shit-faced, is what he wanted. And then maybe he could pretend his heart hadn’t been broken into smithereens.

“Love sucks.”

Jim turned away from the docks and went up the street, looking for the nearest bar.

Maybe there’d be someone to fuck too.


	2. The Beginning

“You didn’t have a good time,” Jim said as they left the movie theater, glancing at the Vulcan walking in sync beside him.

“I did not say that.”

“You never laughed or even cracked a smile.”

“Was I supposed to?”

“Come on, Spock. That movie was a comedy. I laughed my ass off.”

Spock stopped suddenly on the sidewalk and turned to look behind Jim. “It appears your ass is intact, Jim.”

Jim laughed. “God, I can’t believe you just said that.” He grinned. “So you did have a good time?”

“While the movie lacked the entertainment value for me that it seemed to have for you, I found the experience gratifying.”

“Me too. Damn, I don’t want this night to end. I wish there was somewhere we could go.”

“I know of an all-night place for tea if you are amenable.”

“Yeah? You bet I am. That sounds great.”

And he felt a little floaty as he walked beside Spock for about three blocks. When they stopped in front of an apartment building, Jim gave Spock a quizzical look.

“My apartment is the all-night tea place.” His cheeks were very slightly green.

Jim nodded. “That sounds great.”

Spock made them tea, an orange spiced flavor, and they sat at his dining room table.

“You do not mind having tea here?” Spock asked.

“Mind? Of course not. This is great. And the tea is good too.” If he had butterflies, he ignored them. Okay, not really, but he tried.

He’d been so surprised when Spock had accepted his invitation to the movies. Something he’d thrown out at the spur of the moment when Spock had noticed Jim staring at him one day in the Academy’s cafeteria.

“I anticipated you’d be more of a coffee person, Jim.”

“I love coffee. But I love tea also. I like them both. Why only like one when you can like them both?”

At the quirked brow he received in response Jim thought maybe he answered wrong.

“That’s-that’s just for beverages. By the way.” Jim felt his face heat. “In case you were wondering.”

“I see.”

“Well. Not only for beverages. I mean I like both guys and girls, too. Anything really.” God, now he was babbling. “But not more than one at a time. If that’s what you thought.”

Spock tilted his head. “I had not thought that far ahead, actually.”

Jim swallowed tea too fast and burned his tongue, but he forced a smile. “Right. I should probably, you know, go. Movie tomorrow? You can pick this time.”

Spock nodded and rose. “I would like that. I should walk you home,” he said when they reached the apartment door.

“Nah. Because then who would walk you home? And then we’d have to go back and forth, walking each other home, and we’d never make it where we were supposed to be. Where’s the logic in that?”

“When put that way—”

“You didn’t think I could be logical.”

“No.”

Jim laughed. “See you tomorrow, Spock. And goodnight.” He thought of something. “Hold up your hand.”

When Spock did, Jim touched his index and middle fingers to Spock’s.

“That’s right, yeah? A Vulcan kiss, right?”

“It is not exactly a kiss. It is a rather intimate way of holding hands between mates.”

“Oh.” Jim bugged out his eyes and dropped his hand away. “Sorry.”

Spock’s lips twitched. “You owe no apology, Jim. Goodnight.”

And for the first time, well, in ever, there was a bounce in his step going home.

****

“You were bored.”

“No,” Jim denied instantly.

“Nature films are uninteresting to you,” Spock said simply.

“I like animals.”

Spock eyed him. “You yawned two hundred times.”

Jim chuckled. “You’re totally making that up.”

“Perhaps. Did you want to come for tea, Jim?”

His smile slipped and he bit his lip. “I shouldn’t. I want to. But I have this test really early.”

“There are cookies.”

“Cookies?”

“Baked today.”

Jim licked his lips. “What-what kind of cookies?”

“Chocolate chips.” Spock paused, it seemed for effect. “I baked them myself.”

If Jim were a cartoon he’d totally have heart eyes right then. “You talked me into it.”

Spock made the same tea and told Jim to sit.

“Please understand that I used imitation chocolate chips that are only available on Vulcan. They taste very much like chocolate, I assure you.”

“Imitation chocolate.”

“Yes. Vulcans, for certain reasons, do not indulge in chocolate.”

“Are they allergic?”

“Allergic?” Spock shook his head. “Not exactly. More like it intoxicates them. Try the cookie, Jim.”

Jim smiled and took a bite. His smile widened as he chewed. “Oh my God.” He moaned.

“Jim—”

“It’s-it’s obscene.” He moaned again.

“It certainly is.” Spock’s cheeks were flushed green.

Jim choked, then laughed. “Uh. Yeah. Sorry.” He laughed again, blushing himself. “But they are really good. And it totally tastes like chocolate.”

Spock sat at the table and took a cookie. “So they are worth a little loss of sleep.”

“Yeah. Yeah they are.”

“You choose the movie tomorrow, Jim?”

Jim felt a little breathless. “Yeah.” He cleared his throat. “Yes.”

Before he left he ate two more cookies and then Spock made him take more with him as we was leaving.

“Are you sure—”

“Yes, I made them for you.”

“That deserves a kiss.”

Spock held out his hand.

“Nope.” Jim grinned and leaned in and planted his lips on Spock’s. “Goodnight, Spock.”

Spock’s dark eyes had definitely turned warm and melty. “Goodnight, Jim.”

****

“You were totally scared,” Jim said, as the door of Spock’s apartment closed behind them.

“I refute that statement.”

“Spock, you jumped ten feet in the air. Three times.”

“I was merely startled by the unexpected appearance of the apparition.”

Jim grinned as they entered the kitchen for Spock to make tea. “That’s fear, Spock.”

“My pulse was not elevated.”

“Well, now. Maybe there’s something we can do to change that.”

Spock blinked at him.

Jim’s smile widened. “You know this is our third date.”

“And there is some significance in that?”

He rolled his eyes. “Come on, Spock. That oh so innocent Vulcan act isn’t going to work on me. _You_ are super-duper smart.”

“Super-duper?” That earned him that sexy one eyebrow raise.

“The point is, you know the meaning of a third date. I know you do, because you are brilliant. And you’ve been here in San Francisco for a while now. You know.”

Spock brought over Jim’s tea. “You refer to copulation.”

Jim choked on the sip he’d taken. “Uh. Well. Yeah. Although I wouldn’t have used _that_ word.”

“But that is what you are referring to.”

Jim shrugged and started to rise. “Well, if you aren’t interested then—”

Spock growled and removed the teacup from Jim’s hand. “I _am_ interested.” He slid his hands up Jim’s arms.

He sucked in a breath. “That did wonders for _my_ pulse.”

“Do you want to finish your tea?”

“What tea?”

Spock nodded, his nostrils flaring, and pulled Jim toward the bedroom.


	3. The Middle

“Jim, this is not appropriate,” Spock protested, flushing a light green.

Jim was straddling him on the chair in Spock’s office. Fully clothed, though.

“Oh, come on, Spock. You don’t have another class for an hour and a half.”

“True but…computer lock door.”

The door of his office sealed shut.

“You are incorrigible,” Spock murmured but without much heat behind it. Instead, he slid his hands up under Jim’s red cadet uniform. Jim leaned forward and kissed him.

“I haven’t seen you since—”

“This morning,” Spock said. “As you were leaving my apartment. Late for your class, I might add.”

Jim grinned. “You sound proud of that.”

Spock shrugged a little. “You ignored the alarm so I found a more creative way to ensure you were awake.”

Jim traced his tongue along his bottom lip. “It definitely worked. And now, well, I’m here to pay you back.”

Spock’s brows furrowed. “I require no gain for the enjoyment of our intimate activities.”

“And wasn’t that a mouthful.” Jim shook his head and chuckled. “I love Vulcans.”

Spock inched a finger up Jim’s bare torso, well bare beneath his shirt. “Do you?”

“Uh-huh. The snooty way they talk. The snooty way they look.”

“Snooty? Is that a scientific term?”

“Completely. You even flirt snooty.”

“Indeed.”

“And the incredibly hot way they fuck. That’s my favorite part.”

Spock’s lips curled upward. “Mine as well.”

“I can tell,” Jim said breathlessly, as he wiggled against the hard bulge in Spock’s professor trousers. He reached down and undid the fastening of Spock’s pants. He slid down off Spock’s lap and to the floor directly in front of him.

“Jim.” Spock’s dark eyes were wide, his pupils dilated.

Jim looked up at him through lowered lashes. “You aren’t going to protest, are you, honey?”  

Spock swallowed. “No. I just wanted to ensure you were comfortable.”

“Oh, I think I’m okay. And this won’t take any time at all.”

“Are you…that good then?”

“You know exactly how good I am, professor.”

Spock moaned as Jim pulled out his straining erection from the confines of his trousers and briefs. The head glistened with Vulcan pre-cum, which Jim had discovered was quite the delight. He flicked his tongue out, tasting the spicy, tangy slick.

“God, I love your taste. I really could suck your dick all damn day.”

Spock said nothing but stared intently at Jim, his face flushed, his lips pursed and looking insanely defiled.

Jim held his gaze as he closed his mouth over the double ridged thick head of Spock’s cock, sucking him in deeper, deeper, until the tip hit the back of Jim’s throat. He fought the gag reflex and won.

Spock’s ass rose up out of the chair as he arched up into Jim’s mouth. His fingers spread into Jim’s hair, as Jim knew they would, for Spock loved to hold Jim’s head as he fucked into Jim’s mouth.

In the month and a half they’d been together, Jim had learned Spock wanted to be in control, wanted to dominate, and was very vocal during sex. Of course Jim fucking loved all those things. It was like Spock had been made from the heavens for him or something.

“Jim,” Spock groaned. “Yes, Jim. Yes.”

He rolled Spock’s balls with his finger eliciting another needy moan from the Vulcan’s lips. He winced a little when Spock’s grip on his hair tightened as he rammed himself frantically between Jim’s lips.

“Jim. Jim, please. Jim. Jim!”

Jim sucked harder, deeper still, Spock’s tangy, spicy taste urging him on for he couldn’t wait for the Vulcan’s fluid to fill his mouth, coat his tongue.

Then Spock tensed, crying out Jim’s name one more time on a ragged moan and his cum began to splurt out into Jim’s mouth. He greedily sucked Spock dry, feasting on the softening cock, until Spock finally pulled out, pushing Jim away.

“Too much,” Spock rasped.

Jim grinned and wiped his mouth. His own dick was painfully hard as he stood and sat on the edge of the desk facing his lover. “You’re incredible.”

“I believe it is you who have earned that title.”

Jim dodged Spock as he went to reach for him. “Nope. Can’t.”

Spock’s brows furrowed. “But—”

“I’m meeting Bones for an early dinner later and I’ve got some stuff to do before then.” Jim leaned down and pecked Spock’s lips. “You want to join us?”

“I am not certain the doctor likes me,” Spock said doubtfully as he did up his pants.

“The doctor likes you.” Jim grinned. “Will you?”

“He is a significant part of your life, therefore, I should become used to him.” Spock made a little noise which Jim knew was his version of a sigh. “I will need to shower and change.”

“Is that a yes?”

Spock nodded. “Very well.”

Jim whooped which made Spock look snooty again. It was such a great look on Spock too. Debauched snooty Vulcan.

“I love Vulcans.”

Spock’s lips twitched. “Yes, you have said so.”

“Well and especially one in particular of course.”

“I had assumed so. Will you come to my apartment after dinner with the doctor? I find that I need to punish you.”

Jim’s lungs seized and he licked his lips, starting at Spock. “P-Punish me?”

“You are a very bad boy. Such insubordination.”

“Yes.” Jim cleared his throat, feeling a little lightheaded. Probably because all his blood was in his dick. “Definitely yes.”

****

“What are your intentions, Spock?”

“Geez.” Jim groaned and buried his face in his hands at Bones’ words to Spock as they sat across from his best friend at the restaurant they’d chosen for its variety of both meat and vegetarian dishes. “Bones—”

“Be quiet, Jim.”

Spock bristled next to him and Jim knew why. He didn’t like anyone but himself ordering Jim around, and quite frankly, Jim felt the same.

“To what do you refer, doctor?” Spock asked coldly.

“Your intentions toward Jim, of course.”

“Ignore him, Spock. He has some sort of weird parent vibe thing going.”

“Jim is vulnerable and I—”

“Bones, for God’s sake. _Shut up_. I know you mean well, but Spock’s intentions are—”

“Pure.”

Jim shot Spock a look and smirked. “Yeah, pure. Exactly.”

Bones snorted. “As the driven snow, no doubt.” He looked at his menu. “If I get the stuffed sole and you get the steak, we can split it.”

Jim nodded. “That sounds good. Surf and turf. What are you going to get, babe?”

Bones made a choking sound. Jim glared.

“The Mandarin Orange Salad.”

The waiter came by and as Bones ordered, “Wait, what are the ingredients the sole is stuffed with?”

“Does it matter?” Jim asked.

“It might. It’s not pretty when your face swells up.”

The waiter advised it was an herbal mix of breadcrumbs, carrots and celery. Bones then approved it.

“You know you aren’t my nursemaid,” Jim said as the waiter left.

“I find it gratifying the doctor cares enough about your welfare to ensure there is nothing toxic in your food for you,” Spock spoke up.

“There, you see, Jim. Spock approves.” Bones grinned. “You might be okay after all.”

“Bones.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Bones waved this off. “Despite what this kid says, I’m more like his older, grumpier brother than his parent.”

“Emphasis on the grumpy,” Jim muttered. He almost gave a startled yelp when Spock’s hand patted his leg and then stayed there on his thigh.

“Jim doesn’t have much in the way of family, right? I’m sure he’s told you.”

“Indeed.”

“There’s his mother, but she’s off planet most of the time and that’s about it. His brother took off—”

“ _Bones_.”

“The point is, I’ve sort of taken over the role of his family. Through mutual agreement.”

“Mutual? Who said?”

Spock nodded. “I appreciate your care of Jim, doctor. He is fortunate in his friends.”

“I just wanted to make sure you know, that if you do _anything_ to hurt Jim—”

“Bones, for fuck’s sake! Give it a damn rest!”

“Yes,” Spock replied. “I understand the implication, doctor.”

Bones smiled. “We’re going to get along just fine.”

“Yes,” Spock agreed. “I am used to dealing with illogical, overly emotional humans. I am quite capable of handling them.”

Jim laughed.

Bones’ narrowed his eyes. “Now listen here—”

“Shut up, Bones, The food is here.”

****

“You are just so…” Jim panted between kisses and nips to his throat as they made their way into the bedroom, tearing off clothes as they went.

“So?”

“Hot.”

Spock slammed him against the wall of the bedroom, working on the rest of Jim’s clothes. “It is you who make my blood boil, my desire thrum.”

“As long as something is thrumming.”

“Where is my paddle?”

Jim swallowed, his eyes rolling back as now, naked, Spock carried him to the bed. “Under the bed. You left it under the bed.”

Spock smacked Jim’s left butt cheek with his hand. “ _You_ left it under the bed. I put away our toys.”

“Okay, yeah, totally me. I am so _bad_!”

Spock tossed him on the bed like a caveman, which seemed very similar to a pre-reform Vulcan if you asked Jim, and then disappeared from Jim’s view, presumably searching for the paddle.

Jim wriggled on the bed until he reached the set of drawers next to the bed and reached in for the lube and the skin colored butt plug. Vulcan skin colored of course.

He was already lubing it up generously when Spock emerged and stood next to the bed holding the fur covered paddle. Synthetic of course.

Jim recalled when they’d gone to the shop to purchase it Spock had made the shop owner prove it was not real.

Staring intently at the naked Vulcan standing proud before him, paddle in hand, Jim spread his legs and inserted the lubed butt plug into himself. He was unable to hold back a groan.

“Hands and knees,” Spock ordered in a harsh, commanding voice.

Jim scrambled to obey, ass swaying in the air.

“Face forward.”

His face flushed with heat, Jim kept his gaze on the headboard as he felt Spock kneel on the bed. When Spock smacked the paddle against his own palm, Jim flinched in anticipation.

Spock was directly behind him now and he felt Spock’s finger tug at the plug to see how tightly he had it inserted. A long finger slipped in beside the plug, stretching him further to eventually take Spock’s big, thick cock.

The finger withdrew but the plug remained as Spock picked up the fur covered paddle and smacked it across Jim’s right ass cheek. Jim moaned, his muscles clenching around the plug.

“You have been bad, cadet,” Spock said softly.

“Yes,” Jim whispered.

“You have failed all of your tests. Why should you not be expelled this instant?”

Spock smacked the paddle across his left buttock.

“Be-because I’ll do anything to stay, professor.”

“Will you now?”

One smack, two smacks, three.

“Fuck, yeah.”

Spock chuckled. The first time he’d done so, Jim had been shocked out of his mind. Vulcans were full of surprised and that was why Jim loved them. Him. Spock.

“I think you are far too into your punishment, Cadet Kirk.”

“Do you-do you want me to suck your cock, professor?”

“Later. Right now I need to fuck you.”

And yeah there was nothing and no one hotter than Spock when he said ‘fuck’ in that low, growly voice. Jim was surprised the stiff rod dangling between his legs hadn’t just erupted its load.

But despite Spock’s words, he smacked Jim’s ass several more times, drawing out Jim’s moans and whimpers.

Just when Jim was sure his hard dick and clenching ass couldn’t take anymore, Spock withdrew the plug from Jim’s hole.

“Spock, Spock, please.”

“I do like to hear you beg.”

Jim closed his eyes and nearly sighed in relief when he felt the first pressure of Spock pushing into him. It was too damn slow, he wanted Spock to fill him completely, and fill him now, but Jim knew better than to demand that from Spock. It would only make the Vulcan go slower to torture Jim.

But he couldn’t stop a throaty, needy cry from coming out as inch by slow inch, Spock filled him. He was desperate to touch his own cock but knew he couldn’t unless Spock said so.

He bit his lip to keep from asking.

“Good boy,” Spock murmured as he finally, gloriously, seated himself fully inside of Jim. He didn’t move yet but he was flush against Jim’s ass.

“Spock,” Jim couldn’t help gasping.

With one hand on Jim’s hipbone, the other slipped under Jim and between his legs, long fingers curling around Jim’s shaft.

“Is this what you want, Cadet?”

“Yes. God, yes,” he hissed.

Spock stroked him but continued to stay still otherwise.

“Spock, please, please I need…please.”

“What do you say, Mister Kirk?”

“Fuck me, Professor.”

And then Spock pulled out almost all the way before thrusting back in, deep, hard, almost punishing in its power and intensity.

Again and again and again he pounded against Jim’s prostate, his fist pulling on Jim’s cock, until Jim was a crying, mewling mess.

It wasn’t long before Spock matched him in moans and then got louder and louder until he had drowned out any sound Jim made. It urged Jim on to press back against Spock, faster, harder, until Spock’s grip on is hipbone was almost too painful. He’d definitely find a bruise there later.

Jim arched his back, his head curved backward as he felt the beginnings of his orgasm tingle along his spine and then his balls, drawing tight against him. Spock shouted his name behind him as he filled Jim with his cum.

“Fuck,” Jim groaned out as he spilled out over the sheets beneath him, shaking and trembling with the force of it all.

He didn’t know how much time had passed when he came to, laying across Spock, who was on his back, holding Jim, making lazy circles on his back.

Jim yawned. “Should we clean up?”

Spock shook his head. “We will shower in the morning. Go to sleep.”

“’m’kay.”

****

It was a few weeks later when Spock said as they lay in bed after another night of love making, “You should just move in here.”

Jim propped himself up on his arms to look at Spock. “Yeah?”

“Why not?”

He shrugged. “Is it too soon?”

“We have been together every day for just short of three months. Next week it will be three months,” Spock reasoned. “For practical purposes you are already living here. When was the last time you slept in your bed at the dorm?”

Jim thought about it. “Um. I don’t even know.”

Spock nodded. “This proves my point. What reason is there to continue pretending that either of us wants you to be anywhere else but here?”

Part of him still couldn’t quite believe that Spock, of all beings out there, wanted Jim. Not only wanted. _Loved_. Spock loved him. It was incredible.

He smiled slowly. “You make a very good point.”

“Ashal-veh, why do you still hesitate?”

“You won’t get in trouble? For shacking up with a cadet?”

“I have already spoken to the administration about our relationship,” Spock told him. “Because you are not in any of my classes and we are both consenting adults, there is nothing against our being together.”

“You think of everything.”

Spock cupped Jim’s jaw. “Because I want you with me. I am unsettled when you are not here.”

“Okay. When?”

“As soon as possible.”

Jim laughed. “Today’s what? Sunday? How about next Friday? Like a week from this coming one. That gives Bones some time if he wants to look into getting a new roommate. Not to mention he can adjust to the idea.”

“That is acceptable.”

Jim leaned up and kissed Spock. “I love you.”

“I reciprocate.”

****

“Spock?”

Spock continued looking off into space as they sat at the teashop where they’d met between classes.

“ _Spock_?” Jim waved his hand in front of the Vulcan’s face.

He blinked. “Yes, Jim?”

“Where are you?”

Spock looked around. “I am at the teashop with you.”

Jim huffed out a laugh. “Are you? Is something going on, Spock? The last couple of days you’ve been weird.”

“Have I?” Spock shook his head. “I am afraid I am going to have to cut this short, Jim.”

“Uh. Okay. You have somewhere to be?”

“Yes.” Spock rose from the table.

Jim held out his fingers toward Spock as they usually touched when parting, but Spock ignored his outstretched hand.

“Goodbye,” Spock said and left the shop.

Jim sighed and then blew out a heavy breath. Oh, well, he was sure it was nothing.

****

Jim was feeling down. He’d stopped by Spock’s office earlier that day to find out what they had planned for later but Spock had advised him that he couldn’t see Jim that night as he had important meetings that would go well into the night.

“Well. I can come over after maybe?”

Spock shook his head. “It will all be very late, Jim. It is best if you do not.”

Jim bit his lip. “All right.”

And then later, after all his classes, he decided to stop by the teashop to get a tea to take home with him, but as he approached he spotted Spock and Nyota Uhura having tea together in the shop.

His steps faltered.

Yes, he knew they were friends. Had been friends before Jim came along. Spock had advised him of that. Even that they’d gone on a few dates when Uhura first got into the academy. According to Spock, they had decided they made better friends than romantic partners. And in the past, Spock had told Jim when he was having lunch or tea or whatever with Uhura or anyone, really.

Uhura put her hand on Spock’s shoulder. His head was bowed.

Jim turned around. Whatever was going on, he wasn’t supposed to see it, obviously, or Spock would have told him that Uhura was one of the ‘important meetings’ he was having.

So he went to his dorm without the tea.

****

The morning before he was to move in with Spock, he’d talked to Spock over their communicators. Spock informed him that he had more meetings that night and he suggested Jim spend his last night at the dorm. Jim had agreed without a fuss.

Since Spock had invited him to move in, he’d been becoming more and more strange and distant. There were many times Jim had to get his attention when Spock was clearly not listening. The nights they had spent together, Spock had made no moves toward Jim, and had simply gone to sleep. Jim didn’t understand at all and he didn’t know how to ask. This was all new to him. He’d never had this kind of relationship with anyone, let alone a Vulcan.

So for his last night in the dorm, he’d had dinner with Bones and then they’d gone to a bar and had a few drinks before going home to the dorm. And in the morning, when Jim woke up, the message had been waiting.

_I do not believe this is working._

And suddenly, Jim understood Spock’s strange behavior.

He was ending things.


	4. The End

Jim sat at the bar, a glass of whiskey in hand, trying to decide whether to try to pick up the brunette sitting two stools away from him. She’d been glancing his way ever since he entered the bar.

The vibes he was getting would be that he would be successful. But did he even want that? He loved brunettes, he really did. With their chocolate colored eyes and pointed ears and slanted eyebrows.

Jim sighed and took a sip of his drink.

He turned to talk to her when a man saddled up between him and the woman. A familiar man.

Jim rolled his eyes. “How’d you find me?”

Pike smiled. “I know you better than you think. I found you in a place like this. I know your habits.” He paused and looked forward toward the bartender. “And I _was_ you. A long time ago.”

“That doesn’t seem possible,” Jim muttered.

“You’d be surprised then.”

He sipped his drink. “What do you want?”

“Spock’s looking all over for you, Jim.”

“Spock?” he asked doubtfully.

“You disappeared. Even McCoy couldn’t say what happened to you. You turned off your communicator.”

Jim said nothing.

“Listen, I can’t say what’s going on exactly between you and Spock, but I do know he’s frantic to find you.”

“Obviously he doesn’t know me as well you do then.”

Pike nodded. “Few do. And like I said, I have an advantage.”

“I don’t think he really wants to find me anyway.”

“And I’m just as sure he does.” Pike sighed. “It’s not my place to tell you this, it should be Spock, but it seems like maybe he’s been struggling with that.”

Jim frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“The Enterprise is going out with me as her captain.” Pike paused. “And I want Spock, _Commander Spock_ , as my first officer.”

The air seemed to go out of Jim’s lungs. “Oh.”

“You’ve got another year at the academy, Jim, at least.”

“Yeah.” He gripped the bar. “Yeah.”

Pike put his hand on Jim’s shoulder. “There’s a couple of things you should know. Spock hasn’t accepted yet.”

“What? Why not?”

Pike smiled. “Can’t you guess?”

Jim slid off the stool. “I have to talk to Spock.”

“Wait. When you’re done here, at the academy I mean, I’d like to have you on the Enterprise, too. But I can’t put that in at this point and it may not happen, depending on what else they need at the time.”

“All right.” Jim swallowed heavily. “Thanks. For everything. Telling me. You know.”

“Sometimes life throws you a curveball, Jim. And sometimes your bat can hit it and sometimes not.”

He attempted a smile, did manage a nod, and then hurried out of the bar to find Spock.

****

Jim supposed he could knock, but he had a key, he was going to move in here, if-if…

He opened the apartment door. Spock stood by the sliding glass door that over looked his balcony and the city.

He turned immediately, sucking in a breath. “ _Jim_.”

Jim rushed to him and threw his arms around the Vulcan, tears pricking his eyes as Spock’s arms came around him. “You have to go, Spock. You _have_ to.”

“Ashayam—”

Jim drew back meeting Spock’s clearly tormented gaze. “Pike told me everything. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I could not. I have spent these last few days trying to reconcile all this and I cannot. Logically, I should accept the position as first office of the Enterprise.”

“Yes,” Jim said softly.

“But Jim—”

“Spock. There are no buts. This is what we work for. What you worked for. This is why we enlist. You left Vulcan and the opportunity to join the VSA _for this_. Space. Exploration. It was never your goal, your desire, to teach indefinitely. You have to go.”

Spock nodded. He exhaled and looked away from Jim. “Three months ago I did not know you or even dream of your existence. And now? I cannot begin to imagine being without you.”

The tears rolled out of his eyes before Jim could stop them.

Spock looked back at him, his face crumbling. “Do not cry, Jim. You are tearing me apart.”

“I’m sorry.” Jim pulled out of Spock’s arms. “I am. But now we won’t get to live together, and I-I was, I wanted that so much, like I’ve never wanted anything, and now—”

“Then I will stay.”

“No! Spock, no. No. You can’t. Not because of me. That would wreck me even more.”

“I have tried so hard to find a way for this to work,” Spock whispered. “I was not prepared for this level of emotional compromise.”

“That message you sent—”

“Ashal-veh, the doctor advised you misinterpreted my note. I sent that, during a particularly difficult moment, and meditation was not helping. I never meant for you to doubt your importance to me.”

Jim raised his eyebrows. “Wait. Did that stupid message mean meditation wasn’t working?”

Spock turned a little green but he still looked wrecked. “I meant to add more so that you understood but Captain Pike contacted me and there were more discussions and by the time I tried to contact you again, you had disappeared and the doctor told me how upset you were. I would never ever do such a thing to hurt you like that. Not ever.”

He laughed, a little hysterically, and tears were still rolling down his cheeks, but he laughed. “God, Spock, I’m not sure whether to punch you or kiss you.”

Spock pulled Jim close again. “I do not want to be parted from you.”

“I don’t want that either.”

“We do not leave for a month, so you can move in here now. And then I want you to stay here, in the apartment, and if you wish you can even invite the doctor to live with you after I have gone.”

Jim nodded, his throat too thick and clogged with emotion to speak. His heart ached.

“There was so much I wished to do,” Spock whispered. “I wanted to take you to Vulcan to meet my parents.”

“I-I will someday.”

“Yes.”

****

The month passed for too quickly for both of them. And pretty soon, Jim was standing in the apartment while Spock prepared to leave.

He’d been on the verge of tears the whole morning, though he’d fought them back. He would be strong. He didn’t want Spock to know how absolutely devastated he was.

“Do you wish to go to the ship with me?” Spock asked.

“Yeah, sure,” Jim agreed. “But we should probably say our emotional goodbyes here.” He forced a smile. “I know you won’t want a spectacle in public.”

“It might be wise.”

Keep it together, Jim.

He grabbed Spock’s shirt in his fist and pulled him in for a kiss. When they came up for air, Spock leaned his forehead against Jim’s.

“What if you meet someone else?”

“There is no one else.”

“There might be.”

“No,” Spock said, his voice no more than a whisper.

“It’s a big universe.”

“There is no one else in the entire big universe for me but you.”

Jim laughed quietly. Spock’s breath fanned his face.

“What if you meet someone else?”

“Won’t happen.”

“You are uncommonly attractive.”

“So?”

“You will be face with a lot of temptation.”

“None of them matter, babe.”

“Hmm.”

“Besides, I’m wearing your collar.”

“It looks delectable on you.”

“I know it turns you on.”

“You turn me on.”

Jim licked his lip. “Do we have time—?”

“Negative.”

“Damn.”

“Jim—”

“What, Spock?”

“Please, I…”

“What?”

An exhale.

“Wait for me.”

Jim smiled, his heart bursting from his chest. “Forever. I’ll wait forever.”

****

“Goodbye, Commander,” Jim said softly as Spock stood in his Starfleet uniform, blue science tunic, ready to depart with Captain Pike, who waited to the side of the ramp that would take them away.

For a long time, Spock stared at Jim, then he gave a sharp nod. “Goodbye, Cadet Kirk.”

He turned and joined Pike and they walked up the ramp and away.

“Are you all right, Jim?” Bones asked from beside him.

Jim’s eyes filled with tears. “No. Live long and prosper, Spock.”    


	5. The Future

Jim ran up from the ocean, going up to where Spock lay on the towel on the beach.

“This is the best shore leave ever.” He plopped down next to Spock.

“You say that every shore leave, Captain.”

Jim grinned. “Each on is better than the last.”

Spock shook his head but his lips were curved upward. “If you say so.”

“I do,” Jim said, leaning over to kiss him. “And I’m the captain.”

“Indeed.” Spock’s tongue slipped into Jim’s mouth.

Jim pulled back. “None of that, Commander. Are you trying to seduce your captain to gain his favor?”

“I am trying to seduce my husband as we are off duty on shore leave and therefore my _captain_ isn’t here.”

He laughed. “Okay, you have me there. But not on the beach, Spock. I told you sand in the ass is no fun.”

“I do recall.”

“If you’d like to try it out yourself—”

“I will take your word for it.”

Jim felt his amusement but then it quickly dissipated to anxiety, which was quite abruptly shut off. “Hey. Are you shielding?”

Spock looked guilty.

“Why?”

“I do not wish to burden you with my turbulent emotions.”

“Why are you anxious?”

Spock did not answer at first but finally he looked at Jim. “There is a lab experiment—”

“Seriously?”

“I did say I didn’t want to burden you.”

Jim rolled his eyes. “You’re a workaholic. Unshield.”

“An order from my captain?”

“Your husband.” Spock’s thoughts and emotions came flooding back. Jim smiled in relief. “Thank God.”

Spock covered Jim’s hand with his. “I apologize, ashayam. I did not realize my shielding made you uncomfortable.”

“I just love to feel you.” Jim curled his fingers into Spock’s palm. “We’ve been apart too much as it is.”

“I agree.”

“So. Stay? Please.”

“Always, t’hy’la.”

Jim smiled when he saw Spock shiver. “Are you cold, babe? Want to go inside?”

“Please.”

He laughed, jumped up and pulled Spock up. They walked hand in hand to the beach house they were renting.

“There are cookies,” Spock announced.

“Yeah?”

Spock picked up a plate that had chocolate chip cookies and held them out for Jim.

“You baked? When?”

“When you were sleeping still this morning.”

“How’d you get the imitation chocolate chips?” Jim frowned. “With Vulcan—”

“The chocolate chips are not imitation.” Spock cleared his throat.

“Hot damn.” Jim grabbed a cookie and took a bite. “Oh. Oh. Oh.”

“That is still obscene.”

“You like it.” Jim held the cookie out for Spock. “You’re not in Pon Farr again, are you?”

“No.”

Jim grinned. “Too bad. Still, the chocolate should be good enough.”

“We are on shore leave, after all.”

“Bite it.”

Spock arched a brow a took a bite and chewed. “Satisfied?”

“No, but I hope to be.”

“Incorrigible.”

“I love you so fucking much.”

“I reciprocate,” Spock replied.

Jim laughed and pulled him close. “Of course you do. Have more cookies.”

“I baked them for you.”

“Believe me, you having chocolate is totally for me.”

Spock sighed but he was giving Jim his little half smile.

“Say you’re mine.”

“You are mine.”

“Spock.”

Spock kissed him to shut him up.

It worked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And finished!  
> Thank you for reading.


End file.
